Making friends as an adult is hard. In high school and college, friendships usually just happened. You were surrounded by people your age with similar schedules and tons of free time. You’d make friends in class, at parties, through roommates, or just because you sat next to someone at lunch for a semester.
Then you graduate, start working, and suddenly everyone tells you to “join a book club” or “take a fitness class” if you want to meet people. The advice isn’t wrong, but it’s also not particularly helpful if you’ve already tried those routes and they haven’t worked out.
Standard friendship advice assumes you’re naturally outgoing, have predictable free time, and enjoy activities that lend themselves to group participation. But not everyone fits that mold, and even if you do, those conventional approaches don’t always lead to actual friendships — just acquaintances you see once a week and make small talk with.
If you’re struggling to make genuine connections in your 20s or 30s, here are five less common strategies that might work better than the usual advice.
1. Become a regular somewhere (and actually talk to people)
Pick a coffee shop, bar, climbing gym, dog park, or literally anywhere you enjoy going, and go there at the same time regularly. You’ll start recognizing the same faces, and eventually, small talk will happen naturally. You could start a conversation with something as simple as, “I always see you here on Wednesdays.”
The key is being willing to engage beyond polite smiles. If someone comments on your book or your dog or what you’re working on, have an actual conversation. Ask a follow-up question. The next time you see them, acknowledge them. Eventually, suggest grabbing coffee or doing the activity together sometime outside of that space.
This works because it removes the pressure of formal introductions. You’re not “trying to make friends;” you’re just a person who happens to be in the same place as other people who share similar interests or schedules. The friendship develops organically over time rather than through a forced “let’s hang out” after a single interaction.
2. Volunteer for something you actually care about (not just to meet people)
If you volunteer at a one-time event or for a cause you’re not genuinely interested in, you’ll show up, do the work, and leave. Instead, commit to a cause or organization you actually care about and show up consistently. It doesn’t matter if it’s a local animal shelter, a community garden, a literacy program, or a political campaign, as long as it aligns with your values and interests.
The people who volunteer consistently are the ones forming the bonds. You’ll work alongside the same people week after week, which gives you time to build rapport. You’ll also have shared experiences — like the chaos of a busy adoption day at the shelter or the satisfaction of finishing a big project at the community garden. Those shared experiences create connections.
Plus, working toward a common goal naturally brings people together. You’re collaborating on something that matters to both of you, which makes conversations feel more meaningful from the start.
3. Take advantage of friends-of-friends (before they become strangers)
When you’re invited to a group hangout and don’t know most of the people there, don’t stick close to the one person you do know. Show up, say hi to your friend, then intentionally branch out and talk to other people. Ask how they know the host and find out what they do, what they’re into, and what brings them to the gathering. If you hit it off with someone, get their number or Instagram before you leave, and actually follow up.
This strategy works because there’s built-in social proof. You’re not a random stranger — you’re a friend of a friend. That makes people more open to conversation and more likely to trust that you’re worth getting to know. It also gives you an easy excuse to reach out later: “It was great meeting you at [friend’s] thing, we should grab coffee sometime.”
Most people don’t do this because it feels awkward or like they’re abandoning their friend. But your friend invited you to a group event specifically so you could meet other people. If you wait until you “naturally” become friends with these people through repeated group hangouts, it might never happen, so be proactive.
4. Use apps without shame
There’s a weird stigma around using apps to make friends, like it’s somehow desperate or inauthentic. Meanwhile, we’ve all collectively decided that using apps to find romantic partners is normal. Apps like Bumble BFF, Friender, and Meetup exist specifically to help people make platonic friendships, and they work because they put you in front of people who are also actively looking to connect.
The key to making friend apps work is treating them seriously. Look for shared interests, similar values, or compatible lifestyles. When you match with someone, suggest meeting up relatively quickly for something small — coffee, a walk, checking out a new restaurant. Don’t let the conversation drag on for weeks in the app.
Be prepared for it to feel a bit awkward at first. Meeting someone from a friend app is essentially a friend date, and that might be uncomfortable if you’re not used to it. Treat it like meeting up with an acquaintance from work or school. Not every match will turn into a friendship, and that’s fine. The point is to put yourself out there and increase your chances.
5. Invite people to do things you’re already doing
Most advice about making friends focuses on going to new places or trying new activities specifically to meet people. A less draining approach is to invite people into activities you’re already doing. Going to a concert? Invite that coworker you sometimes chat with. Planning a weekend hike? Ask that person from your gym if they want to come. You were going to do these things anyway, so you’re not adding extra commitments to your schedule.
This approach is low-pressure for both people. You’re offering them the chance to join something that’s already happening. If they say no, it’s not a big deal because you were doing it regardless. If they say yes, you get to hang out and see if there’s potential for a real friendship. You’re also doing something you already like, so you’ll be relaxed and in your element rather than forcing yourself to enjoy an activity you picked solely to meet people.
The hardest part is actually extending the invitation. Most people think about inviting someone, then talk themselves out of it because they’re worried about seeming too forward or getting rejected. The reality is that most people appreciate being invited to things, even if they can’t make it. And the ones who think it’s weird probably weren’t going to be great friends anyway.
Your next step…
Making friends in your 20s and 30s requires more effort and intentionality than it did when you were younger. You have to actively create opportunities for connection rather than waiting for friendships to happen on their own. That doesn’t mean you have to force yourself into activities you don’t enjoy or adopt a completely new personality.
The best strategies are the ones that fit your actual life and preferences. Not every approach will work for everyone, and not every person you meet will turn into a close friend. But the more you put yourself out there — in ways that feel authentic to you — the better your chances of finding people you actually want to spend time with.